Shackles of melancholy

I've been down with flu this past week. It finally cleared up this morning. Went out with a friend and was confronted with an ugly scene. My whole body went rigid with apprehension when he told me someone he knew told him i was posting something controversial and, shall we say, perversed in nature on an internet website. I maintained it was not me and he appeared to have accepted that. Yet moments later, at home, he sms-ed me and told me to go to the website in question. i knew then that he did not believed me. I deign it unneccessary to reply. Then later, because we were supposed to meet in the evening and it was fast approaching 7, i called him and receieved a shock. He asked me again about the website posting and after i denied having anything to do with it, he cracked. He felt that i was lying to him.. about almost everything.

Alarm bells went ringing in my head as he proceeded to tell me off. This is not happening! i told myself. We are supposed to be close friends! I felt an inevitability to the whole episode. It was like the friendship is drawing inexorably to an end. I kept very quiet as he talked, trying to contain my emotions. Most would not appreciate why i feel this emotional. Perheps it is because i value friendships greatly and, as i've so few friends, i'm not in any position to lightly dismiss friendships.

To sum it up, i cried and made a fool of myself. I guess i still have a lot of growing up to do. I behaved childishly, wailing and sobbing like someone's dead. In a way, it was. Death of a friendship. Thankfully, we cleared up our misunderstanding. Yet it left me chilled. How is it that being such close friends, the friendship still came so close to an end over a misunderstanding? Am i such an unworthy friend that i can be lightly dismissed as redundant? Ingenue. Guess that's me.