Thursday, February 22

happy new year!!

gong xi gong xi!! today's the 5th day of lunar new year and i went out with my classmates for visits! 1st stop was my place - brought lots of food out for my friends but they only ate a little.. sigh. Led them all on a tour of my place. The general consensus was that my floors are very clean heehee!! Then we went over to Elaine's house, which was only 1 bus stop away.

Her house is HUGE!! and she's got a gu zhen!! she must be very cultured right? lol!! we ate more at her place, possibly coz her mummy's in and we feel paiseh since she bought the food specially for the muslim girls Lina & Nisa. Anyway her house is very open in concept - the kitchen has no door!! its an executive flat so that explains the size. wow. so much room for just 3 people!!

Next stop is at Sembawang - Lirong's house. Her place is really festive!! Even the corridor outside her flat is decorated!! and there were so many new year plants in full bloom!! its like walking into a chinese manor in ancient times!! lol. We did the tour again at her place and i found myself profoundly ashamed... Her brother's room (he's reading Bio in NUS) is so neat!! and he's got "The Art of War" in bamboo form!! awesome!! We also played 2 rounds of marjong. erm i won the first round heehee!! anyway. it was a very tiring but happuy day for me. gong xi!! me gona sleep le.. nitezzzzzZZZZZZZZ

Monday, February 12

Debate aka public spectacle

Today's the day of the debate... Been a long and stressful weekend. It began with a very horrible Weds in which our lecturer decided to hold a debate. Then, as class ends, she had a eureka and announced she wants to make it a public affair.

The next day, she got us to rehearse the debate in front of her. Thank God I'm only an extra - i thought... Fat chance. A decided he don't want to do it so the lecturer got me to come in, on the pretext of listening in to the debate. WTF! excuse my emotions but even now i am still so arrrrgggghhhh about it!! I CANNOT do public debates!! Even in class presentations, those shrewd and observant enough will notice that when i present it always sounds forced or too fast. That's cause i am not good with public speaking. i simply become a nervous wreak! And more importantly, i become very emotional and disturbed to the point of being unruly and even violent... That is a side of me i really hate but i can't help it. I'm bad at confrontations and no matter what people say, argument is an argument. I'll lose it...

Okay i guess I'd better come clean... I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which is a form of neurosis whereby i see things in only black and white and am rigid and inflexible. I also tend to have unstable relationships, engage in suicide acts and generally act like a loser. sigh... i was on medication to control my emotions but i felt i didn't want to be addicted to the drugs so i stopped. Besides the drugs make me very groggy and how on earth can anyone function that way? So i stopped seeing the doctor. My family didn't like me to see the doctor anyway because they think I'm fooling around... yet I have never felt more in need of the drugs than on Thursday...

It was disaster. My control of the emotions just slipped. Badly. I kept gesturing wildly and blustering in frustration. I must have scared the daylights out of my classmates but i was so irrational than that nothing registers except that i have been made scapegoat and worse - in public debate, the one thing i swore I'll never do after that disgraceful incident... It's so distressing i don't even want to mention it here. Suffice to say i cracked. Elaine and Lirong were than roped in to help. From the way my lecturer kept going on about the debate it is clear that she wants our team to win, even swapping members to ensure everyone in the team is good. Too bad she did not realise that i turn into an ultra stresspot in debates...

To cut the story short, i continued to help with the debate team's preparations, even typing out the first draft of the 1st speaker's speech and printing out case studies. I'm really sorry i cannot do anything more but i really feel just totally zonked by the whole affair. i do not appreciate being forced into something when no one else is around to be the victim. I mean cummon! Why is it always me who's elected to front presentations and stuff? How irresponsible is that?!

I am just glad its over but some ugly stuff have escaped from my Pandora's Box and i guess they'll never go back in now... God... even now i feel so ashamed and angry with myself. For losing control; for being such a wimp, for being a weakling who cannot escape from his demons... Wait. See? i think only of escape. I don't even want to fight. I'm pathetic... Oh God...

Thursday, February 8

big sigh...

School was a bore today (yeasturday??) except... We get to do group work again... oh goody. *pukes* Did i mention how much i hate groupwork?! I mean cummon! Why do we always have to have groupwork during the last 15mins of class? And i honestly dunno where my lecturer gets all her brilliant ideas for projectwork from!? For once i'd like class to end with the lecturer summing up what we covered... sigh

2nd horror of the day came at around 1830, while i was on my way to meet a friend at vivocity. Apparently my lecturer managed to convince the management to sit in on our debate as judges... Great... Oh and it is now a public event held at thefoyer... WOW!! arrrr i hate it when ppl orgle at me... okie not at me but all the same i hate being stared at... =(

Itz twice now that she made us put up a public performance IN FRONT OF the management. I mean what are we? exhibits A, B & C? sigh... Oh well.. ganbette nei...! yawnz. i really dun wana sound so sulky but i keep sighing becoz of al these things that happen!! haiz.. opps!

Tuesday, February 6

oh no...

i just realised my pay will not be credited into my acct this month because my company claimed that the conversion from full-time to part-time requires a 1-month lagtime. thus for this chinese new year i'm penniless!! sigh.. what bad timing. even my commission from when i was working fulltime (Dec 06) is delayed. wtf!! how can they do this to me? don't they have any idea of what they are doing? i need the money!!

Friday, February 2

Yawnz...

*big yawn* i'm really tired. The past 20 hours have been a whirlwind of activity... My day started normally enough - woke up on thursday morning, 0800, prepared all my stuff, printed out the brochures, posters and postcards for clippings in my PR folio. By 9 i was on the bus going to the mrt. Then, i received an sms from my lecturer saying that she's having high fever and thus classes for the day are cancelled and instructed me and kenny to disseminate the info to others in class. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Everyone just started smsing me and flooding me with questions lol.

Anyway apparently Lirong, Sandhya and Sharlini were all in class aready and nisa was also on the way so they decided to go to the library at woodlands. Me, i waited for FZ at cityhall but it was changed to kallang so off i go! In the end we went home and i was so looking forward to sleeping and generally being a pig but i decided to go online and chat. Found myself a cycling buddy (Alex) so we decided to cycle!! i cycled up to Tampines JC to meet him (the bus stop NOT inside the JC) and we then cycled up to Changi. Spent 15 mins waiting at the jetty for the ferry to bring us over to Ubin but we finally tire of waiting coz the operator din wana start the ferry when itz not at full capacity. Pah!

We found a better way to spend our day then going to misely old ubin. we cycled on the brand new coastal broadwalk!! the scenery was great!! we took pictures of the large rocks looming out of the water and even clambered on some to enjoy the view, pretending to be great voyerers of old! well... more like monkeys but.. LETZ MOVE ON!! heehee

Oh yah we stoped by this restaurant by the sea where the entire building was tilted on the right corner, sloping precariously down towards the sea. it was freaky just looking at the lopsided building! imagine u were dining and the floor gave way... *shudders* Next to the restaurant was a magnificent grand staircase, with elegant balstral and sweeping arcades leading... Nowhere!! LOl how silly is that? it leads to a wall and then abruptly stops! I think it is the most silly sight i've ever seen!!

We continued back to the village at changi for a break and meal and then proceeded to east coast via the airport perimeter, cycling past the tanah merah country club and finally reached the park, keeping an average speed of 23km/h as we were on a vehicular road. Man i thought the road never ends!! it stretches on... and on... and on... and on... and on... and on... and on... AND ON...!!! rest was at coffee bean with latte and carrot cake with yummy cream cheese frosting!! a tad sweet but we found 6 strands of sliced carrots!! hooray!!

Next stop was tanjong rhu as Alex wanted to see the place. By the time we got there it was 8. We sat around the riverfront in front of the Indoor Stadium and chatted for a while, before deciding to continue on to Vivocity via Esplanade, Clarke and Robertson Quay, Beo Cresent, Lower Delta and finally Telok Blangah, arriving at Vivocity at 10pm. Was looking for a place to take a break but we din manage to find it at vivo so Alex suggested going over to Sentosa!! We cycled along the causeway bridge and din even pay for a ticket!! heehee

Anyway we cycled tru the gardens and fountain terrace, moaning at itz eminent demise and went up past the Merlion and on to Palawan Beach. Bought some noodles and Fan Choy and had our dinner at the Koufu foodcourt by the beach. Went over the rickety bridge to explore "the southern-most point of Asian Continent, climbed the towers but both were occupied at the top deck by cudding couples and over-protective boyfriends who stare at us to make us leave. Pah! while there, we saw laser lights over at the other end of the beach and cycled over to investigate. Turns out they were testing the new Musical Fountain built on the water out at sea!! The whole island really feels like a polished tropical resort... even the restrooms look like hotel suites!!

Finally ended our tour and cycled back to mainland. It was almost 1am!! gosh! After encountering more smooching couples, we decided to make a trip down to chinatown before going back. We cycled past some cute retro housing apartments and arrived at chinatown for a cup of teh (tatz tea) and roti john (french toast). This lady sitting across from us asked if she can join us and Alex firmly replied negaTORY! She seems quite disappointed hmmm... oh well i guess tat means no cute guys to keep her company!! the crowd got a bit rowdy and drunk so we opt to takeaway. cycled further down to the food street and ate there, chatting abit before proceeding to ang siang hill for a quick trip to the loo. the whole place is so beautiful!! lush tropical plants cascade down artfully terraced slopes and vines creep down spiraling stairs of wood.. itz like a resort!! finally we are too tired and decided to cycle home. reached home around 4, tired but happy... heehee good night!!